Exploring myself as an artist

Throughout my life, I have always been surrounded by art. My mum is a music teacher, I was a dancer for 10 years, I finished music school and can play the flute and piano, I acted in a theatre studio for 3 years. I did all of this because I enjoyed it. I am positive to someone else this row of events would be a clear choice to study art. Not for me. I always refused to believe that art could be a financially sufficient area of work. I chose economics, biology, and chemistry to study highest levels through high school. A few months before applying to universities I realized how unconsciously I have been surrounded by art this whole time. And how I constantly turn to art for safety when feeling my worst. Only then did I start seeing art everywhere around me and how it is important to me. Even if art was deep in my heart I wanted to also have a career that developed skills for leadership and presenting my ideas by also learning technicalities. I felt that Interior design was perfect for that. It would drive me forward and bring opportunities in different directions so I would not be put in a career box.

The most influence I get is from my culture. I come from Lithuania, which means my parents and grandparents remember living under the control of USSRS. The control and fear of being different, unique, or yourself is something I am trying to move from myself all my life. This includes my parents not being accepting of today's fashion. This, without me noticing, puts me in the middle of trying to be fashionable but modest at the same time. This also includes reading very depressing books about people in repression, war, struggle, and fear. These emotions live inside me even if I haven’t been there myself. Maybe that is why I have a lot of fears and mental health issues. Exploring my mental health and emotions is one of the biggest motives for my painting and art. One of the more famous new books about the war in my country is “Between Shades of Gray” by Ruta Sepetys. The book's cover can be seen in Figure 1.

Figure 1. Cover of “Between Shades of Gray” by Ruta Sepetys

I have noticed that my work is very personal without me even trying. I mostly discuss or mention issues that are the most relevant to me at that time. Most of the time I find myself exploring themes that I feel are affecting me the most, but others don't take enough notice. This includes understanding mental health, especially depression, which is a very personal theme. This theme is misunderstood harshly in my country and family. The theme can also be global warming, which is personal but is also affecting every person in the world. I also love exploring feelings. Trying to understand and express feelings visually. Using colours to express emotions or trigger the emotions to the watcher. I feel like I am not alone in doing this as I have seen Jim Carrey's painting. He also puts his emotions, sometimes unknown emotions, in paintings and expressing visually. I feel like I do unconsciously look up to him.

Figure 3. My own painting Figure 2. Jim Carrie art

By putting Jim Carries art next to mine it can be seen quite a bit of colour similarities, without me trying. Black outlines and textures creating a static, active painting piece. Emotions in his subjects faces and my subjects eyes are the main focus of both of our pieces.

The inspirations and artists that are in my head before sleep are always changing. I have noticed that it depends on the current situation, mood I am in or some issue I am trying to understand. Recently I have been researching Marina Abramović. Her style of producing her raw, scary, natural, pain art is very scary to me but also very relatable and appealing and interesting. It is not the perfect artists picture. “Marina Abramović is best known for her provocative performance works, employing her own body as both subject and medium.” “Abramović collaborated with German photographer and performance artist Ulay to create performance works that explore such binaries as male and female, active and passive, through the execution of repetitive, exhausting, and often painful actions.’’ (Artsy. (2020).) Her work is interesting because it’s real, it’s not perfect and it shows her dedication to art. It can be seen in Figure 4 how the performance does affect the actors. Tears and sweat streaming down their faces shows exhaustion, pain and other human emotions, which is difficult but necessary for her to include in her work. It also is exiting as she is still creating art in her 70’s and I can see her present art. It also shows the other side of art, not in the galleries painting of flowers and beautiful butterflies. I feel like she is also experimenting with her art and sees herself like a scientist of art.

Figure 4. Marina Abramović, right, with her collaborator Ulay in the performance art piece ‘AAA AAA’ (BBC/Marina Abramović Archive. 1978)

In the future I have dreams about helping people and society. This can mean helping people with my designs. Creating interior spaces comfortable for the disabled. This could also include creating interior spaces that would help with mental health. It could include specific colouring used in the design. I am interested what will be discovered about mental health in the future and how that will be incorporated to increase everyone’s quality of life. I also hope I will learn a lot through people and socialising with customers, other designers or colleagues. Even the situations that make us most uncomfortable, angry, sad or happy are important and give us experience. It sometimes gives me the feeling of reality, knowing I am not stuck in a dream.